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Batman dubbed ‘less competent than G4S’ by House of Commons select committee

The home secretary Theresa May faced a grilling during a stormy session of the House of Commons today as she came under fire for her controversial decision to outsource Olympic security to Batman.

Facing down jeers from the Opposition benches, Mrs May insisted that Batman had given ‘repeated assurances’ that he could be ‘in several places at once’ to guarantee security at the Olympic site in Stratford during the Games.

Her appearance in Parliament followed the latest set-back for London 2012 when a Men’s Preliminary session of handball was stormed by activists from Occupy London. Batman struggled to hold off the baying mob, leading many to question the Home Secretary’s wisdom in transferring the Olympic security contract from G4S to the caped crusader.

Shares in Wayne Enterprises have dropped by 9% in the wake of the incident and Mrs May has faced calls for her resignation from the shadow home secretary, Labour’s Yvette Cooper.

Members of the public are said to be angry with the mounting displays of incompetence and are less than impressed with Batman’s record so far.

One Stratford resident complained: ‘It was complete and utter lunacy to expect Batman to be able to single-handedly police the Olympic Park. As far as I can see, all he’s done so far is stand on top of the Westfield Shopping Centre with his cape fluttering in the wind.’

The Home Office quickly denied these reports, stating that Batman had also perched on top of Anish Kapoor’s ArcelorMittal Orbit and the Gurney Memorial Drinking Fountain.

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